Three Things That Are Sinking Your Sales Message

There’s more to my job than writing copy. There’s reading copy too. I read a hell of a lot of copy. Some amazingly good, some toe-curlingly bad, most of it fair-to-middling.

Quite often, the reason I’m reading a piece is that a client has asked me for my opinion. To see what I think. Whether I can improve on it.

My answer’s inevitably yes. Obviously.

That’s not because I’m really good (I am) or because I’m incredibly cocky (right again). It’s all due to the fact that these people are asking if I can pep up their pitches.

Why?

They’re asking because they aren’t selling enough. Or, frequently, anything at all.

And in the vast majority of pieces I critique for clients, the problem is one of these three things:

Reason One: You’re Using Too Many Words to Say Naff All

This is definitely an issue I see more and more with client’s who’ve fallen for the false economy of choosing a writer who charges by the word.

Let’s look at two paragraphs for a client that I’ve just invented right now, shall we.

Exhibit A:

By making the sensible choice and deciding to use Find-a-Candidate to fill your employment vacancy you will discover that it becomes much easier to place someone with a skill set which accommodates your needs for a modest budget.

Exhibit B:

With Find-a-Candidate, you’ll spend less time searching for talent and more time putting it to good use.

Both of those paragraphs touch upon the key benefit a recruiter offers – namely spending less time searching for candidates.

The top one even gives a pat on the back to readers, letting them know that they’re making a sensible choice.

It’d be easy to fall into the trap of going with Exhibit A. And a by-the-word writer would recommend it as it doubles their pay.

But far too often I’ll see copy that’s overly verbose, packed with overly-descriptive terms and written in a way that’s explanatory to the point of condescension.

Give your readers the benefit of the doubt. don’t waste their time buttering them up, and give them a solid, declarative and confident declaration that you’re going to solve their problems.

Reason Two: Your Readers Don’t Care

When you immerse yourself into your products and your services, you distance yourself further and further from your audience.

Sure, you know the minutae of how every single aspect of your business comes together to form a productive whole. And well you should, because it’s your business. But do your clients really need to know.

This is especially true across the digital sector. When you’ve spent months and months slaving over back-end code, rolling up your sleeves and plunging into the baroque mechanisms that power the internet of things, you want to share everything you’ve learned with your customers.

But they don’t really care. Not about that anyway. They’ve got a single, all-consuming question on their mind.

“What’s in it for me?”

Other developers are going to be incredibly impressed with the way you’ve seamlessly integrated the Joomla backend with the front-facing portal of awesomeness. Your customers though?

They’re going to be impressed that they can use this technological terror you’ve constructed to hawk their wares far and wide.

Don’t spend hours telling them how it works unless they ask. Focus on what benefits it will bring to their business.

Reason Three: You Can’t Be Trusted

This is the killer. This one will sink your copy faster than a fat porcupine with stiletto heels will sink a rubber dinghy.

If you don’t give your readers a reason to trust you, they won’t.

After all, they don’t know you. They don’t know a thing about you. And they’ve seen seven other websites, twelve flyers and umpteen Twitter posts from your competitors all promising that they’re the best, actually, and that they deserve your reader’s cold hard cash.

I caught up with an old school friend last week. When I told her what I did for a living, her immediate reaction was to ask whether I “made things up to sell things for customers.”

That’s the embedded skepticism you’re up against. We’ve been bombarded with so many different sales messages that we’ll take any unsupported statements with a whole spoonful of salt.

There's one thing that you can do right now to improve your sales message. Show proof.Click To Tweet

You’re the best at what you do? Show an independent ranking.

Your product changes lives? Show the before and after.

Your service delivers results? Show them!

Testimonials, case studies, reviews – there’s a whole world of social proof out there for you to draw upon. And if you do, you’ll help your clients to do the one thing they want to do more than anything else.

Trust you.

If you’re worried about the seaworthiness of your sales message, drop this Manchester-based copywriter a line today. I’ll craft you a sales message that’ll swim, not sink.