"Lanyards Are Bollocks" - What I Learned at Copy Cabana by Andrew Nattan (aged 32 years precisely)

“12 Blazing Speakers / 1 Day / 1 Beach”

Copy Cabana promises a lot. It didn’t actually deliver on every promise.

Calling it “The hottest copywriting event around” is a bit of a stretch when the rain’s coming at you sideways off the sea and someone’s sheltering under a pizza box with what looks like some testicles drawn on it.

As a postscript, went for a pizza after @Copy_Cabana wound up. This was on the box. Innocent mistake or naughty #designer? pic.twitter.com/ynsgmPQKmH

— AlastairJamesDickie (@alastairjdickie) September 28, 2017

That’s all I’ve got though on the criticism front. British weather in September is a bit shit. I did try. On the train to the airport, Martin Williams and I agreed that given the gushing praise from everyone in attendance, the best way to get some attention would be to write a post slagging the whole thing off.

That’d work, but it’d be a daft thing to do. Not least because Vikki Ross is perhaps the nicest human being I’ve ever spoken to, and she deserves nothing but credit. As does Andy Maslen, who also deserves a cheer for choosing a resigned “hello Andrew” over a right cross when I bellowed “ANDY MASLEN, COPY BASTARD” at him across a terrace.

Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Copy Cabana was the mutt’s nuts. It was fun, engaging, thought-provoking, hilarious and challenging.

And I learned stuff too. Stuff like this:

1. Don’t Skimp on the Research

Sarah Topping’s talk on her experiences waddling round the offices at Puffin/Penguin/Random House were summed up in my notes as “it must be bloody lovely to have a bloody lovely job.”

After getting over my intense jealousy, I did manage to focus on a few important takeaways. When writing sleeve notes and blurbs, Sarah reads the whole damn book. Just in case the main character dies in chapter four. Under pressure, it’s easy to skim over the details. Sarah’s talk was a timely reminder that you really need to do the reading.

Oh, and don’t constantly start sentences with “When.” That might just be a blurb thing though.

Follow lovely Sarah on Twitter.

2. Test More

Talk two was terrifying. Glenn Sturgess and Pete Stephen (who had me seething over the 1975 European Cup Final in the bar the night before) reckon that within 20 years, robots will be able to write compelling copy (I assume they didn’t read this) and we’ll need to adapt to stay relevant.

It’s not all doom and gloom. By making use of AI’s superb capacity for testing and experimenting, we can write better, more effective copy. If an AI can run through billions of potential headlines and pull out something amazing to grab attention, we can spend more of our time writing the copy to put that attention to good use.

Plus the human copywriter’s emotional attachment to their work and clients will always give us an edge.

Because although a machine can understand why we cry, that is something they can never do.

 

Give Pete some stick about Fulham’s season here, or follow Glenn’s thoughts on the importance of giving a shit.

3. Identity Doesn’t Stop at the End of the Page

I was a bit jealous of Sarah Topping’s career writing Roald Dahl blurbs. Then Kerry Thorpe told us about her three free pints of ice cream per week.

All that “ooh, we’re hippies and we love fun and puns” you see on a tub of Ben & Jerry’s? That’s not a cynical bit of tone of voice.

They’re genuinely like that. They’re all about practicing what they preach. Social responsibility, superb ice cream and fun. Even their marketing department runs on the rule that “if it’s not fun, why do it?” (Which suggests they don’t do much SEO keyword research)

By embracing that identity, they’re able to produce authentic, engaging copy. Plus they do some pretty decent ice cream. Probably don’t let your dog eat it though.

Stare hangrily at the pictures of ice cream Kerry posts on Twitter right here.

4. Andy Maslen Underpays his Window Cleaner

Sorry, that’s not a useful takeaway. Let me re-read my notes.

4. You Need to Give a Shit

The surprise talk from Ben McKinney the window cleaner-turned-copywriter was a genuine highlight. Not least because Ben’s a thoroughly nice guy who seems just as at home talking on the stage as I did using my ridiculously large boots to amaze people in the bar the evening before.

FEEEET #copywritersunite pic.twitter.com/Swaqz2mKSb

— Messagelab (@MessagelabComms) September 26, 2017

After chiding Maslen for underpaying his window cleaner, Ben cut to the heart of the matter and identified a copywriter’s core strength.

You do a better job when you care about your clients.

Can’t argue with that.

Ben’s asked for copywriting advice on Twitter. Help him out.

5. Content Marketing is All About Strategy

I’m not a content marketing denier, thanks mainly to befriending the awesome Neil Simpson, who I’ve recommended here more than once. Some people think it’s all bollocks though, which is why Sonja and Sharon from Valuable Content were invited to give their talk on the world’s most buzzwordy industry.

My words can’t do justice to their hilarious map of CONTENT ISLAND, but their core message is that there are two paths to successful content marketing.

One – you graft and graft and graft and graft and graft and graft and graft and eventually, with a bit more graft, it pays off.
Two – you think about it, plan everything properly and execute a strategy.

Path two is better.

I begged Valuable Content until they shared their map on Twitter. They’re lovely like that.

6. Copywriting is Just as Creative as Poetry, Kieren, So Stop Looking Down at Your Nose at Me.

Ahem. Apologies to anyone who isn’t Salford’s own Kieren King.

As someone who knocks about with poets and has repeatedly failed to write a villanelle, I was thoroughly looking forward to Rishi Dastidar’s presentation on how his passion for poetry has made him a better copywriter.

As someone who’s had a few knockabout conversations with poets about being a dirty sellout, I thoroughly appreciated Rishi’s point about copywriting being the unacknowledged patron of modern poetry.

I’m going to spray paint that outside Kieren’s house.

You could follow Rishi here, but I think you’d be better off buying his book Ticker-tape.

LUNCH BREAK

Just to take a moment away from these brief takeaways to say thanks to everyone who chatted with me at Copy Cabana.

Even Sarah Townsend, who claimed she was looking forward to meeting me after reading my Tweets, which wasn’t a terrifying reminder that people read the stream-of-consciousness nonsense that pours out of my head.

Definite thanks to Al Dickie, Claire Medcalf, Abi Smith and Martin Williams who I spent a very enjoyable birthday evening with, and everyone at the pre-Cabana #CopywritersUnite event.

Right. Afternoon session.

7. Avoiding Language Customers Respond To is Pretentious and Ineffective

Joe Fattorini’s on the telly and writes about wine. Fortunately, he’s also a funny, genuine bloke who once plied a group of homeless Glaswegians with a case of expensive wine.

In amongst the science of tongues, the wheel of wine flavours, and the trailers for the second series of his wine show, Joe also shared a nugget of information that I wrote down and underlined twice.

Experts are always using language that impresses other experts, instead of trying to connect with Joe and Joanne Public. The average punter wants to know if something’s rich and fruity, not whether there’s a wisp of vegetal herbaciousness on the nose.

Joe also described wine as “a wank in a glass,” so it’s worth keeping tabs on him here.

8. Tell Stories

Karen Allenby uses her powers for good. While I’m writing about self-storage companies, and lightbulb manufacturers, and ecigarettes (thanks to Mark at Kik for the birthday text), Karen writes about the plight of the dispossessed and the famished.

So how do you get a message across in a world that’s constantly bombarded with bad news, scary statistics and abstract awfulness?

Tell personal stories. One-to-one passion drives engagement and action in a way that numbers never ever can.

And if that story can turn one-to-one passion into two-way communication, you can change the world.

I can’t find her on Twitter, but you can follow World Vision.

9. Tone of Voice isn’t All Bullshit

Nick Parker’s talk was a slice of fried gold. He identified the ten core tones of voice which form the wellspring of all marketing. Without stealing all his ideas, they include “Simplifiers” “Foolbiscuits” and “Ronseal.”

These tones let you avoid the easy traps (obvious puns) and distill a culture and a brand into language.

So no. ToV isn’t just some nebulous nonsense we pretend makes sense to sound important. It’s the alpha and omega of marketing. And Puccino’s Coffee does it better than any other brand on the planet.

For god’s sake, put Nick in your Twitter feed. Now. The rest of the post will be here when you get back.

10. Your Biases Are Stopping You Changing the World

Elle Graham-Dixon’s presentation on using the power of language to create a more equal world has been running through my head for days.

All because she slapped me in the face with my bias, with the simple use of one riddle.

“A father and son are in a horrible car crash that kills the dad. The son is rushed to the hospital; just as he’s about to go under the knife, the surgeon says, “I can’t operate—that boy is my son!” Explain.

Being a right-on leftie, I instantly understood that the surgeon’s gay married to his departed husband, and the son is adopted in a non-traditional family dynamic.

Because I’m the sort of self-congratulating dickhead who will create a non-traditional family dynamic for a surgeon in a split-second, but won’t recognise that WOMEN CAN BE SURGEONS AND THE SURGEON IS THE BOY’S MOTHER.

My wife got it instantly. I’m in the doghouse. In my defence, that whole paragraph is packed with masculine words (father, son, he, boy) – but that shows how unconscious favouring of one group over another creates bias.

If we can recognise our biases, we’ll understand how we continually fail to recognise the difference between stereotypes and insights. We can start thinking more inclusively, and we can change the damn world. For the better.

Whatever else you do, listen to what Elle has to say.

11. There’s An Art to Being Interesting

Steve Harrison closed the day with some wonderful reassurance.

Copywriters have been right all along. We know that we need to be interesting. That we need to arouse curiosity and appeal to self-interest.

Not the self-interest of our clients, but the self-interest of their customers.

Because unless we focus in on what that end user wants, we’ll fall into a trap of aggrandising our clients, creating reams and reams and reams of back-slapping copy about “The Art of [Their Industry]” – and consumers will tune it out. Which Steve aptly demonstrated with a slideshow of fifty or so ads for everything from the art of writing to the art of guttering via the art of driving.

In the end, all copywriting has to do is identify a problem and demonstrate a solution.

There’s an art to it.

Steve’s here. Follow him too.

12. Lanyards Are Bollocks

Finally, my takeaway. After 11 talks, a wonderful film about Howard Gossage, endless conversations and the worst pizza in the world, I came to one conclusion.

Nobody looks good in a lanyard.

Copy Cabana 2018 is set for September next year. Hopefully I’ll see you there.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.