Twadges You Don't Want to Earn

Anyone who reads Econsultancy might well have noticed a recent post about a startup called Twadges. The firm promises to provide Twitter users with Foursquare style badges to mark any notable “achievements” in a user’s lifetime. Now I don’t know which badges they will be offering, but I’ve had a few ideas.

And here’s a handful of “Twadges” you really don’t want to earn.

Simpering Sycophant

Well done. Your diligence and persistence has paid off. @stephenfry must have noticed you by now! (Send 100 or more Tweets to celebrities in a 24 hour period to earn this twadge.)

It’s all well and good trying to engage someone famous in conversation, but when the majority of your tweets are LOLing (or, god forbid, ROFLMAOing) at the inanities of soap stars and footballers, you’ve moved into stalker territory. Avoid picking up this twadge by talking to people who might actually listen to you.

Bieber Fever

OMG! It’s you! You’re the one who’s keeping Justin Bieber trending! Well done you! (Mention Justin Bieber to earn this twadge.)

I don’t know who Justin Bieber is. I don’t care. All I know is that a combination of teenage fans and bitter cynics keeps him in the trending topics even when there’s an earthquake. Yes, “Shaved Bieber” is a great pun, but by going on about it you’re making things worse. Please, stop.

Echo Chamber

Everyone loves a caring, sharing Twitterer. They must sure love you! All that ReTweeting, never thinking about your own message. How charitable! (Send nothing but RTs to earn this twadge.)

We all love a ReTweeter. That’s why there’s a big ol’ ReTweet button on this post (hint hint), but posting nothing but recycled material doesn’t give anyone a reason to follow you. Please, come up with something unique to say. Otherwise you’ll have this twadge, and no followers to show it to.

Casual Curmudgeon
aka The @DavidMarchment Award

Well done for sticking to your principles. You don’t use Twitter for business purposes, so why should those corporate hacks and shameless self-promoters? Keep fighting the good fight! (Complain relentlessly about people for promoting blog posts, articles or company websites to earn this twadge.)

It’s one thing complaining when Robert Llewellyn can’t go two tweets without mentioning Carpool, but do you really begrudge your friends a living? Tune out the self promotion, because it’s a fact of Twitter life. If you want to make a statement, beat them at their own game.

Social Sellout

Bravo! You’ve ignored the social aspect of social media and turned your Twitter feed into a business broadcasting network. Congratulations, and enjoy your untold riches! (Shamelessly RT everything from a business account, or RT your own posts four or more times to earn this twadge.)

If this were a twadge, my followers would’ve stapled it to my scalp by now. All you wage slaves, join me in the rebellion. Let’s stop acting as a secondary distribution network for our employers! And you self-employed lot? Stop pretending that RTing an RT of your posts with a “Gee, thanks” is anything other than a cheeky way to get a blog post circulating.

Twillock

Well done Twitterer! You’ve expanded the Twictionary and your twocabulary by twinventing a new tword! Twilliant! (Replace the first syllable of a word with “Twi” or “Tw” to unlock this twadge.)

Seriously? Twadges? Tweople? Twitterati? Do us all a favour. Twuck off.

Don’t forget to follow Andrew on Twitter – and share your idea for twadges in the comments section below.